The women in my life …
Disclaimer … I am not mentioning any names in this section. If anyone recognises themselves, I hope my representation has been honest. The pictures used are there perhaps because they represent someone that person reminds me of ~ either by looks or personality. In some cases, I remember them whenever I see a certain actress ~ who may not look anything like them, but who knows how the mind works?
This section is by no means going to be something like the life and times of some modern-day Casanova. On the whole, my experiences of the “fairer sex” have been less like reworkings of “Love Story” and more akin to “A Comedy Of Errors”.
My first sexual experience was at 17 years old. A group of us went to an address in Kettering where the 18-year-old “fancy” of one of our number was babysitting at a home where visitors would be tolerated. Of the five, one by one they began to peel away as the night progressed. But the girl just kept ‘giving me the eye’, until just myself and the “interested party” were left. When he said he had to go (hoping I'd go with him, to keep his chances alive I imagine), she just offered me another cuppa … which I accepted gracefully, and he left.
When the family arrived back she asked me to walk her home. I agreed, knowing she only lived a few minutes away ~ and on my way home. However, once out of the house, she suggested we took a walk down to the nearby brook. I agreed, thinking there was likely to be a good old “snogfest” in the offing! We went over the small bridge and continued walking towards the nearby village. There we walked around a bit, before heading back across the fields. There was a gate we had to climb over ~ once on the other side she took me down and we engaged in some very hasty and haphazard lovemaking. It was not her first time, but she knew it was mine, but managed to get me through it well enough.
We saw each other many times afterwards. One memorable time we were making love on her Mother's living room floor, when we saw the curtain flutter ~ she said: “don't worry, it's only Mum ~ she'll go next door for a cuppa!”. Most of the time we'd either talk, or make love, or both. There was no going out, or anything I'd class as “going on a date”, and I was too naive to understand why. Her body was amazing and the sex remains memorable to this day. But it wasn't a relationship as such. It was only when I found out she was enjoying a similar relationship with several others, that it ended. Though not immediately ~ stupidly, I tried to perpetuate it, only eventually giving up the ghost when I realised the identity of some of the other men in her life.
Soon afterwards I got entangled with a 30+ year old woman whose partner was serving at least 10 years for armed robbery and other unsavoury charges (so at least I was safe for a time!). Again, vastly more experienced than myself, I suppose I was a distraction to her ~ and once more I handled it badly when she eventually got fed up with me.
I was no good at these games …
Visiting a nearby village with the scooter club one night, I met up with a lass who at least was as inexperienced as myself. We dated, met each others' families, etc., and it became a relationship rather than just sex. In fact, with my raging teenage hormones, it was me who pressed for sex much more than she did. (I was much later to discover she was bisexual, and is now enjoying a long term relationship with another woman ~ and I'm happy for her.) We did a lot of things together ~ particularly going out for walks. She was lovely company even without my carnal lusts being satisfied. After one of our fumbling sessions, she fell pregnant and, not wanting to keep the child at her young age, she had it aborted. We stayed together, but there was definitely more distance between us.
Two of her friends were working in Jersey that summer, and she wanted to go and visit them. There was no way the scooter would take both of us and the luggage we'd need, and neither of us were loaded (she was working behind the counter of the local shop part-time and I was still a low-paid apprentice), so I figured out a way to use National Bus's “Roamer” cards to get us to the ferry port. It took 12 hours and many buses (Kettering to Northampton, on to Oxford, on to … you get the gist!) to get there, but we did. While she watched our rucksacks I went to get ferry tickets. But the guy on the kiosk said there were no seats available (it was an overnight job), as a plane had been cancelled and the passengers were on their way to the port to get the ferry over there. He said to try again in a couple of hours. So, we sat there waiting. She was devastated. I went back at the time the guy had said, but again there was still no availability. I explained the journey we'd made, and the reason for the trip … he paused for a while then said: “Well, if they can find space for air passengers, I'm sure we can fit you in!” There'd be no seats for us, but we could at least cross.
When I went outside, I held the tickets behind my back as I approached her … with a miserable look on my face. She was practically in tears. Then I brought the tickets out and waved them, and she ran and jumped on me as if I had just saved her life. I'll never forget that moment (and it still almost brings me to tears thinking about it now). We took the ferry ~ there were loads of seats, but we spent most of the crossing playing one of the “new” Space Invader machines. The rest of the trip, however, was pretty miserable. Once she was with her friends, I was basically forgotten. And it was at this point I got the first indication that she may not be the woman of my dreams.
At that time I was active in the local Labour Party and Young Socialists. I went away one weekend to their youth conference, where I was to speak in front of 3,000 people on the most interesting subject of the SDP(!). In the evening I ended up in the same digs as the female leader of Corby's LPYS. Due to the limited accommodation, we ended up in the same living room. However, she told our hosts she was okay with this as she knew and trusted me. I should perhaps have offered them a different opinion for myself! We got into our separate sleeping bags, but within ten minutes of the lights going out, she said she was cold and wanted to share mine. Well, I thought I had hormonal problems … she was a raving nymphomaniac, and within minutes was jumping all over my all too easily-obliging bones! It didn't help that she was drop dead gorgeous!
Feeling guilty when I returned home, I finished with my girlfriend and started seeing my new fancy. I started picking her up from school ~ she had said she was in the sixth form taking A-Levels. We'd go back to her family home ~ with a couple of hours to spare before her parents would return from work ~ and she'd slowly strip off her school uniform before we'd make love in their living room. (Although this didn't necessarily “scar me”, it has remained a fetish of mine since then!)
During a conversation with another member of Corby LPYS, a colleague revealed she wasn't 18 as she had claimed. I did some more digging and discovered she was sleeping with just about every married man in the small close where she lived ~ including the neighbour, while his disabled wife was downstairs. As soon as I discovered all this, I dropped her immediately.
My former girlfriend took me back, but the trust had gone and it was never the same again and it soon ended. This was the one and only time in my life I ever two-timed anyone, and am still not proud of it to this day. However, understanding how life changed for her, it was probably for the best.
Part of my role with the LPYS was to engage with the local lesbian and gay community ~ who, at that time, were not enjoying anything like the freedom and acceptance they do today. Two of the girls were getting engaged and I was invited to the party at one of their parents' houses. Having had a drink, they bedded me down in the living room shortly after the do had ended ~ and just after the sister of one had returned from her shift at the local hospital. Just as I was getting to sleep, the living room door opened and closed quietly, as someone made their way in. (Given the guests who had stayed over, I was a little hesitant to think who this may be!) But it was the sister, who asked if she could join me as her room was already occupied by some of her sister's friends. She was a little overweight, but highly sensual … the sex was wonderful.
This continued for a few months, grabbing whatever chance we could to make love. She said it was good to find one of her sister's friends who wasn't gay! I called her my naughty nurse. It was more than just sex ~ still no dating or anything ~ but it was real, grown-up enjoyment of each other with no other ties. Eventually, she asked to end it as her ex-boyfriend was returning to the area and she wanted to give the relationship another go. For once this wasn't a problem ~ we'd been honest with each other from the start, and when we parted I wished her good luck with rekindling the relationship.
After a short period I met up with my first daughter's mother, but that relationship will be covered elsewhere. There were a few other encounters in-between those already mentioned, but they weren't anything more than odd one-night stands.
For the first few years I was living in London, there were no relationships to speak of. Work (and drinking) took up too much time for anything to develop further than a drunken conversation. However, when I moved to the Wadham area of Croydon for the first time, I met up with a biker girl ~ a highly voluptuous woman with a young daughter. I'd never dated anyone with kids before, but got on well with her little girl, though it was obvious she was used to having lots of “uncles” around! This relationship was going well ~ we got engaged (mostly at her insistence) ~ but it was then I noticed she had some latent schizophrenic tendencies. Half the time she was a very loving person … but the rest of it she could go crazy at the drop of a hat. These manifested themselves mostly when she was throwing things at me … including kitchen knives, one of which only narrowly missed my head.
I knew I had to leave, but was worried about her daughter's safety. Luckily, I knew there was someone else who fancied her, and who I know she was interested in. So, I made sure I kept taking her out to places, or events, I knew he would also be attending. Eventually she ended it, with every intention of going out with him. I think, however, she was a little surprised that I already had my bags packed, and was out of the door so fast I may have left skid marks on the porch! I knew this other guy was a pretty steady character, and that he would make sure the little girl was alright, so my conscience was clear.
The next relationship was with S.T., who became my wife. That will be covered elsewhere. But since we split in late 2000, with the exception of a few minor attempts, it was my last real relationship.
I did latch on to a lovely lady from Rugby at one point, whose temperament matched mine almost to perfection. However, she was never going to leave her home there, due to the familiarity it lent for her disabled son, and I wouldn't move due to the commitment I had to my daughter. She was upset when it ended, as was I, but I knew there was no chance for it to move forward, and wanted it to end before we committed ourselves any further, as our meetings had not got as far as being sexual at that point.
While running pub in Huntingdon in around 2015, I came close to realising two dreams ~ or ambitions, perhaps ~ but gave one up and avoided the other. One evening a very beautiful young Polish girl who had visited the pub a few times stayed on after everyone else had left. She was seeking work, and was desperately trying to seduce me into giving her a job. We kissed, and kissed … we talked, we drank, but nothing more. I had no job I could offer her and was not prepared to take advantage of her. We stayed in touch for a while ~ she had a lovely singing voice, and often sang locally. I believe she has probably been taken advantage of too often in her life, so it made me feel good to at least be the one who didn't.
Another time, I attempted to “oblige” a young lady who was in her early thirties and (for reasons I am unaware of) had remained a virgin … but boy, was she trying to make up for it! She was very attractive, but whatever book she had been reading about sex, she must have skipped the beginners lessons and moved straight onto the advanced courses! By that time she had reached the pages describing S&M, and decided she wanted to be my “sub”. Much as this had been a minor sexual fantasy of my own , at 54 years old I was probably a bit past the time when I could provide her with the satisfaction her own unfulfilled lusts desired. I did give it a short try, but made my excuses and we left it at that, quite amicably. She was so ardent, I think she would have been the end of me … but it would at least have been a good way to go!
That's about the lot. Not exactly prolific, it has to be said. It's not as if there haven't been many others I would have liked to have had a relationship with ~ either sexual or plutonic ~ and as I get older, it is only the latter that would suit me. However, I have said for many years now that I want to make love with a beautiful young woman once more before I die ~ but I don't want to rush it, in case that ends up limiting the time I have left. It was something that crossed my mind with the lovely young Polish girl … if we had gone further that night (or on any of the others when she returned), I might not be here now … !